I just noticed this thread, otherwise I would have responded much soon, but allheart, I'm sure this must be hard for both you and your family. Life has us go through all these crazy ups and downs for better or worse. Losing a family member never easy for anyone, let alone a parent. I know this must be a really hard time for you, but just know that I and several others here care about you and are happy to listen if you want to talk about anything at all. I'm sure you father has nothing but amazing memories of you and will carry those on forever. You're a strong person. Wishing you the best.