Super Market Fail

[motive]

Now, I?m sure many of you have encountered little sh** in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cu*ts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here?s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the f**ing skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little sh*t?s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little c*nt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming ?SH*T! SH*T!.? Now, my good friend, Tom we?ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting ?F*CK! MAYBE HE DIDN?T GET IT! F*CK!.? By now, the kid is scared sh*tless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid. Here?s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, ?Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I?m? I?m F*CKING HIV POSITIVE.? And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just f*cked up big time because his mom isn?t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my sh*t from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the c*nt she is.
I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.


I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat The girl started crying and left
class ^^


1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke so i helped him walk to the toilet all the stalls were occupied bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open and there's this guy in there taking a shit and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face and runs away imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER


I had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.