656 Free Points for the Best Joke

[azreal1]

i dont need to do any work on this, just look for a thread containing all of those people and ull get a laugh

[pikeboy412]

Drywall, Rrickir, Lil G, Poofy, and a penguin are playing poker at a local bar. First hand g bish goes all in with 7-2 offsuit and knocks Rrickir out with Rockets. Rrickir is so mad and she walks out of the bar and goes home to smoke some weed and get on pokerowned to bitch but the words all come out like dcoiwnmjojaojkweprkafe... Lil g is so happy that he orders an appletini but they check his i.d. and discover hes only 16 so he is kicked out of the bar and his chips are divided up among everyone else... So now its mod, a supermod, and a penguin. the penguin doesnt know how to play poker cause hes a penguin. he just slowly blinds out while making loud noises... now, its heads up- who will win? drywall or poofy? Everyone knows drywall bluffs too much so poofy calls Drywalls all in. Drywall flipd 3-8 offsuit and rivers a four card straight... poofy runs home to give the banhammer to drywall.

[CUSTOMTABLES]

rrickir runs into a doctor?s office and says ?DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!?

The doctor replied, ?Show me.?

So rricki poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then rricki poked her knee and yelled OW. Rrickir poked her forehead and screamed again.

rricki was about to continue when the doctor said, ?That?s enough, let me think this over.? He thought for about a minute and said ?I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.?

[JohnnyDeepStacks]

The Joke title reads like a log from the Starship Enterprise. Read from bottom to top lolz.

Chat Log 5990:

04:09 <PokerOwned Bot> whoa lilg97! the language! you suck your fathers c*ck with that mouth?
04:09 <lilg> fuck
04:08 <PokerOwned Bot> After meeting Lilg, I have decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
04:08 <Pooffy> lilg
04:08 <JohnnyDeepStacks> How you fella's doin? The Other Guys - Homeless People scene - YouTube
04:07 <lilg> I can only play good a $41 and over tournaments
04:06 <gimmeabrew> teen mom tonight weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
04:05 <rrickir> yay Poof ! we need to skitdattle onazmola
04:05 <gimmeabrew> weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
04:04 <Poofy> lol I just stacked a peguin in the client
04:04 <Janish> I just won a tournament, im goin pro
04:03 <lilg> faq dez micro stakes bullchit
04:02 <rrickir> zomg I ahoe sne wandoa and baoleaez
04:01 <gimmeabrew> weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
04:00 <Drywall> my mom and dad's first date was a cock fight?

[rivdee]

The Joke title reads like a log from the Starship Enterprise. Read from bottom to top lolz.

Chat Log 5990:


04:08 <JohnnyDeepStacks> How you fella's doin? The Other Guys - Homeless People scene - YouTube
04:07 <lilg> I can only play good a $41 and over tournaments
04:06 <gimmeabrew> weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
04:05 <rrickir> yay Poof ! we need to skitdattle onazmola
04:05 <gimmeabrew> weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
04:04 <Poofy> lol I just stacked peguin in the client
04:04 <Janish> I just won a tournament, im goin pro
04:03 <lilg> faq dez micro stakes bullchit
04:02 <rrickir> zomg I ahoe sne wandoa and baoleaez
04:01 <gimmeabrew> weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
04:00 <Drywall> my mom and dad's first date was a cock fight?

You do a very good gimme imitation.

[marlydog1812]

Oh man this gonna be tough to decide....

[Drywallman3]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'DRYWALL.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him LILG'. Years later; DRYWALL sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of LILG. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen LILG, you've seen DRYWALL.

we have a winner LOLOL

[spacekowboy]

i dont get it

[HopsBar28]

Lilg had a passion for beans - any type of beans, cooked any way, he loved them. Unfortunately, they tended to have a most disastrous gastrointestinal effect on him. Eating even one bean produced voluminous gut-gas, and when released it could cause nearby plants to wilt local wildlife to seek refuge.

One day Lilg and Johnny Deepstacks met while attending a Cher concert, and they fell instantly in love. They moved to San Francisco where they could be legally married and spend the rest of their lives together. Because of his deep love for Johnny, Lilg swore to never eat another bean so as to protect his beloved from the terrible aftereffects.

They lived happily for many years, until the day of Lilg's 30th birthday. He was walking home from work when he came upon a small diner that was running a special - a bowl of navy beans for only 50 cents! He still had a mile of walking before he got home, and he figured the gas attack would be well past by that time. Besides, it was his birthday - why not treat himself? Unfortunately, once he started, he could not stop, and so he ended up spending $5 on beans in the little diner.

The explosive response from within started almost immediately after Lilg left the diner. He was obliged to release a prodigious fart every few steps. He was concerned that the effect would not pass before he got home, so when he came upon the entrance to the park, he decided to take a detour to extend his walk home. He went to his favorite place in the park - the water feature in which several penguins were kept. The penguins were funny and playful, and would do tricks for people who threw them popcorn. Lilg watched them for a few minutes, but then realized he had a monstrous gas pocket building inside. He turned his back to the penguins to make sure no people were around, and then let loose with a stream of flatulence that lasted almost 30 seconds. When he turned around, he realized what he had done - the smallest penguin was laying on its side, gasping for air and near death. Lilg hurried out of the park before anyone noticed he was the cause of the penguin's distress.

Finally, the gastrointestinal turmoil seemed to be subsiding. By the time Lilg got home, he felt he had things well under control. Johnny met him at the door with a kiss and a blindfold, telling Lilg that he had a special surprise for him. Johnny led the sightless Lilg into the dining room and seated him at the table. Johnny leaned over, placed a napkin in Lilg's lap, and whispered that he had made a special meal, and it would be ready in just a bit, then headed into the kitchen.

And just in time - just as the kitchen door closed, Lilg was overcome and had to release a stupendous fart. He controlled it to minimize the sound, but the smell was sufficient to make his own eyes water. He quickly fanned the air about him with the napkin. Minutes later, the same thing happened, and Lilg felt the hairs in his nostrils curling under the odoriferous onslaught. Again, he fanned the air with his napkin, trying to dissipate the stench.

Just as he felt sure the smell had diminished enough to blame on the dog, Johnny came out of the kitchen and placed something on the table. Then he stood behind Lilg and said "ready"? Lilg nodded, and Johnny removed the blindfold, revealing a beautiful cake with 30 candles on the table... as well as Drywall and Poofy sitting next to him at the table, eyes streaming and faces green. Janish was laying unconscious on the floor.

[DocHo11idaze]

I may or not be drunk but i just started typing...not much of a punchline, but feel free to add to it and make it one haha. May be a coming of age tale.

While deep into reading Mein Kampf for inspiration how to rule over PO Academy, Head Master Poofy gets a phone call from Professor Drywall regarding his concern over a forged sick note from LilG's mother. The grammatical errors have all the signs of being written by the young whipper snapper LilG. Fuhrer Poof decides its best to first contact the schools counselor JohnnyDeepStacks, who's been known to dish out prescription drugs like they're skittles to these High School sophomores that cant pass English Studies to graduate, its been said he carries a suit case full of drugs, "Not that he needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. "

Counselor JDS confirms he's been feeding adderall and anti depressants to LILg to manage his manic behavior and constant crying over bad beats and going busto, and voices his concern over this forged document claiming he was sick. His opinion is that lilg won money on a stake, and west busto playing omaha cash games online, he's seen it before. Poof decides to contact G's mother Ricki about the matter. Phone calls go unanswered so she emails Ms G. She receives an email from Ricki's email account, stating Lilg was in fact sick with the busto fever and she did write the note. But the email was along the lines of, "pleez excuze my Sun lilG'z, he thoght he Waz Goin 2 Diez so I kept Her HomE 0 - o." Unsatisfied with the grammar, it is obvious that Lilg had responded to the email and erased the truancy messages left on the home answering machine.

Poof, feels no other option is left, regardless of who responded, than to have a sit down with the teacher, student, and parent to address the degenerate behavior. Ricki comes to get Lilg out of the Third Reich on campus suspension and they head to Prof Drywalls classroom. Grounds keeper AZ smirks briefly while shoveling loads of donkey and penguin shit into a bag, and mumbles something about women being the inferior beings and doesnt understand how poof holds such a high position due to her genetic disability of being a female.

*Knock Knock* Poof exclaims this is going to be set straight once and for all and lilg must take responsibility for his degeneracy and overall lack of contribution to man kind. She's also intent of sending study guides home so both he and his mother can meet the requirements of 10th grade English. They hear a rustling inside the door and the response of a surprised Prof DW, claiming, "I'll be right there!" as they all hear a muffled cry. After the noises of more commotion ensue, Poof decides something is going on in there and opens the door. In complete disgust, there stands Prof Drywall, in assless chaps and a whip, trying to shove the gimp back into the chest (think pulp fiction). As his last desperate attempt to shove the leather masked gimp with a ball gag into the box works, Rickir and LILG read the embroidered name across its ass, "ZABBBB" they sound out the word in an ecstatic joy.