funny one

[Nicholas3154]

Idk why you didn't just stick this in the joke thread

[ddavey25]

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

[iwinitall]

wow nice one, you took some time thinking that one up

[ddavey25]

this idea just might work.....when i am 60 i will try lol

[wheatie]

lol.... pretty funny.

[benspocket]

Johnny, on his deathbed requested his wife: ?When I am no more, please marry Watson, I implore you.?

Wife: ?That Watson? But you have always hated him from your heart.?

Johnny: ?I still do.? And fell dead

[benspocket]

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

[benspocket]

A ventriloquist was performing on a stage making fun of one and all in the audience. Suddenly a Sardar from the audience shouted at the stage: ?You there, you have made enough fun of us, Sardars. Stop it, or I will have to stop it for you.?

The ventriloquist was taken aback. Still he tried to sooth the enraged Sardar: ?Easy man, take it easy. There is no disrespect meant. Jokes are jokes after all.?

Sardar: ?You keep out of it. I am talking to the little fellow hanging from your hand.?

[benspocket]

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Really Funny Jokes
Welcome to Really Funny Jokes and Hilarious Jokes. Please bookmark us and visit daily for free jokes.

Monday, April 2, 2012
Really funny jokes-Worried CEO

A CEO has his business going well, but he's a bit worried. He decides to check the competence of his employees.

The first person he meets is his assistant:
- Oh Miss, I'd like to ask you just a question. How much make 2+2 ?
- Yes Sir. Do you want a detailed memo on that?
- No, just answer the question.
- Well, I think it's 4.

Then he goes to the computer tech:
- Hi John! Just a question. Can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
John runs Excel, and after five minutes answers:
- It is 4.00 E+0, but I'm not sure, the support staff should come tomorrow. Will I ask them to check it?

Then he goes to the accountant:
- Hello mister, can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- Well, well, I know I'm late. I'm sorry. I didn't already collect all the data, neither check all the accounts. But I can estimate it now between 3.196... and... let's say... 5.659. But I'll be able to make a much more accurate estimate within two weeks!

A bit disappointed, he goes to the sales manager:
- Hello Bob, could you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- So... How much do you think it makes?
- I ask you to answer.
- Mmh... you don't want to tell me your price. You want me to make an offer. - Indeed.
- So, let's say 6! No, excuse me, you're not that kind of man, you know the market. I sell it to you for 5.25, and that's the price I' make for my best friend!

Then he goes to his lawyer:
- Good Morning Mister. Can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- Right now?
- Yes!
- So, at first I would say 2, but I'm convinced that with a good preparation, we can get 3!

And, finally, he goes to the actuary:
- Hello Sir, can you tell me how much make 2+2 ?
- Of course. It is... It is... Mmmmh, well, how much would you like it to make?




0 comments
Labels: Clean jokes, Office jokes, Really Funny Jokes


Very funny jokes-hate Watson

Johnny, on his deathbed requested his wife: ?When I am no more, please marry Watson, I implore you.?

Wife: ?That Watson? But you have always hated him from your heart.?

Johnny: ?I still do.? And fell dead.




0 comments
Labels: Good jokes, Hilarious jokes, Really Funny Jokes


Sunday, April 1, 2012
Hilarious jokes-Carry a flashlight

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."




0 comments
Labels: Good jokes, Hilarious jokes, Really Funny Jokes


Sarsar jokes-Offence

A ventriloquist was performing on a stage making fun of one and all in the audience. Suddenly a Sardar from the audience shouted at the stage: ?You there, you have made enough fun of us, Sardars. Stop it, or I will have to stop it for you.?

The ventriloquist was taken aback. Still he tried to sooth the enraged Sardar: ?Easy man, take it easy. There is no disrespect meant. Jokes are jokes after all.?

Sardar: ?You keep out of it. I am talking to the little fellow hanging from your hand.?





0 comments
Labels: Clean jokes, Really Funny Jokes, sardar Jokes


Saturday, March 31, 2012
Really funny jokes-Morty the producer

Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what's it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "What's the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here."


Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice. Pretty boring but nice. What's Hell like?"

Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.

"This is great!" says Morty. "I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.

When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty looks around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he sees. Everywhere are people burning in agony, screaming in pain, drowning and suffering. There are laughing demons with pitchforks piercing their skin. Its horrible, disgusting. Morty presses the up button and goes right back to Sid."

"What is this!? Hell is nothing like you showed me on the monitor! It was awful down there!"

Sid says, "You mean that monitor?"

"Yes," says Morty.

"Oh, well, that was just the pilot."

[benspocket]

Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what's it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "What's the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here."


Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice. Pretty boring but nice. What's Hell like?"

Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.

"This is great!" says Morty. "I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.

When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty looks around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he sees. Everywhere are people burning in agony, screaming in pain, drowning and suffering. There are laughing demons with pitchforks piercing their skin. Its horrible, disgusting. Morty presses the up button and goes right back to Sid."

"What is this!? Hell is nothing like you showed me on the monitor! It was awful down there!"

Sid says, "You mean that monitor?"

"Yes," says Morty.

"Oh, well, that was just the pilot."