What a Fucking Joker --- Karma the Silent Card Killer

[NeilZelkin]

I know it's selfish of me to think that God has some deep-rooted interest in seeing me suffer personally for the sins of my past, present and future. I mean if that were the case then God would be busier than a "Twofer" Tuesday's promotion at a California Pot Dispensary. The logistics just do not work, even for an entity as all encompassing as the "Almighty One."

But GOD Damn it!!! I sure think he has it in for me. My poker results this week have been horrible. One cash in 10 tourneys. And in everyone of those bust outs I was sent to the rail when an inferior hand rallied during the turn or the river to sink me. Usually around 15th place. I swear on my son's life, every single one. I mean I lost with KK vs. QQ, AK vs. AQ, AK vs. K7 just to name a few. Nauseating. I would rather work latrine duty at a 3rd world prison that to have your heart ripped out over and over again.

You might think that having your heart ripped out but losing to a suck out in a 30 dollar tournament is a bit much. But to me I take these just a seriously as those $25,000 tourneys I would regularly cash in at Poker Stars. Because for the most part, in my modest opinion, the core group of PO players, we know who they are, play a solid game of poker. I get something out of it.

Then they're the ones who, like a migrating bird going from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico, stop and spend a few weeks or so playing poker owned free rolls, shiting up what is an otherwise pristine poker environ, then flying away never to be seen again.

So tonight, my faith in God is really being tested. Granted my chat at the tables has grown increasingly sarcastic and biting during this decrease of my ITM. But there was this dude named trippssss sitting across from me in what was an otherwise capable table. And as poker loves to do, with the cards and luck doing the driving, Trippssss sleepwalks his way into a big stack in a level or two. So when he got a little chatty I decided to look up his cash %. I almost missed it because I stopped just short of the end of the list before realizing it went down a few more lines. That is where I finally unearthed my table captain's poker owned success up to date, Nada, zilch, zip, shit out of look dude bad, ZERO!!!!

Armed with this little nugget I asked Trippsssss how many of these has he played. His reply was "Lots." How many that means is anybody's guess. However, from a poker perspective, when I hear lots and I combine it with zero cashes my read is either this person has ADD and just cannot focus for the 75-100 minutes one of these things need to play out or there game is a work in progress.

Like a shark smelling blood I smelled the opportunity to be a dick to this guy with the nerve to talk shit of any kind without any semblance of success to back it up. In the real world when someone acts like that they usually get bopped in the nose. In online poker we use words our weapons. I was never mean or vulgar during the next two levels but I was relentless. I even did a little mock report about the chance that PO history might be made when Trippssss finally gets his first cash.

But wouldn't ya know it. Just like clockwork he started leaking chips. 1k here. 1 k there. Dropping from 8k in chips to 5 and change within 7 hands. At this point it was obvious the dude was getting flustered and in my opinion completely sick of hearing my commentary on the proceedings.

That was when the fickle nature of fate, combined with what I selfishly believe is Gods personal crusade to continually piss on my parade put into place a hand that put me in my place. Sitting in Mid-Early position with 100-200 blinds I am dealt AQ suited. In the small blind sits the target of my abuse. Action hits me and I raise to 3 times the big blind 600. Everyone folds to Trippssss who states he has a 5 2 and is ready for me teach him a lesson. He pushes his remaining 5k and thinking I was being set up I came to the conclusion he probably did have garbage so I pushed the remainder of my 4k stack into the middle and sure BINGO!!!

OMG the dude is obviously in a natural state of tilt because he did in fact have 5 2 off. And that was when the weapons went from words to cards. And the card were aimed to kill, ME!!! That mother fucker caught a five on the flop and my tourney was over again. Not just over, but ended with hard swift kick in the balls.

Maybe next time I just shut the fuck up and let my playing do the talking and the talking done by those who cannot play. I always maintained the direct correlation between the smaller the chipstack, the bigger the talker.

I hate poker right now. But I will be back. Most likely tomorrow. So trippssss. God Bless you and your terrible decisions leading to total futility. It is never easy to be number one. And that goes the same for the good and the bad, Tonite had the misfortune of encountering a situation when being bad was good.


Good nite