This isn't something I don't really care to admit to, but I hope it might help some other people with a similar "leak" in there poker game.
Since the beginning of the year I have grinded up over $6000 on Bovada, (my favorite sight, I just do better there). I have cashed out $150. Why so little? I blew the rest in the casino; sometimes more than a $1000 at a time. (Mostly on blackjack)
Every time I'd be sick with myself and say I'm not going to do that again. Then a day or two later I'd make another $20 deposit. I'd win it up to over $100 than take the over amount to the casino. But when I lost it, I wouldn't stop there. I'd take another ten, then twenty, another twenty, then the last fifty, until it was gone.
Sometimes I'd deposit and go straight to the BJ table and bet $5 a hand hoping to turn my $20 into $50 for a better roll. I'd say to myself I'll risk $10 and if I don't win I'll go play poker. And sometimes, It worked. Other times, I'd lose 2 hands in a row, then play the other ten and lose it. I'd make another deposit, lose it, than make another LARGER deposit, spending more than if I had just deposited $50 and played with that. Hell, I've drained my checking account without ever playing a hand of poker or opening up a table.
I did that today. Over the weekend I had made another $20 deposit and had grinded up to about $150. While playing a $3 rebuy that I was doing very well in I started playing BJ for a dollar a hand with the $7 I had over $150, won it up to about $17 then lost it down to $10 (I had said to myself I would go below $15 after I passes it) Then I rolled it over to video poker. Again won it up, then lost back down to more than I said I'd go below but still left with a profit. Then I went and played slots. I bounced around from game to game, winning little bits here and there. As soon as I hit a big line or triggered the "feature" I'd move on. I was up to about $40 bucks when I got to a game I couldn't win at. I lost it all. Then I lost more. Then more. And more. I drained my entire bovada account.
I was so upset with myself. I let ME down again. But did I learn my lesson this time? ....No.
I made a twenty dollar deposit and went straight to the BJ table. I lost it all in four hands. I made another $20 deposit, this time I hit a high of about $55 before I lost it all. I made larger deposit, than an even larger deposit, that left me with only a few singles in my checking account. Still playing five a hand, with only five left if I lost the hand I got two face cards while the dealer showed six. I split for two 18's. The dealer ran out 20.
To top it off, while losing my last deposit, I busted out of my tourney right before the money (AK vs 55, flop was AK5, no help on the turn or the river. Eh, shit happens) So now I'm sitting there, checking account empty and without a roll, sick to my stomach. Why won't I learn? Why can't I practice self control?
Before I went off to a miserable night at work, I sent an email to support asking if there was a way I could exclude myself from the casino games, including BJ in the poker client. I received an response a few hours later saying that had done just that and that if I wanted to use either again I would have to contact support after 72 hours have passed.
Don't get me wrong, I hate that I have thus far been unable to practice my own self discipline. But, I'm glad I did it.
Tonight, without any money in my checking account to deposit, I sat down at the 5c/10c limit table. It was the only table I could buy into with the 91c still sitting in my account. I won it up to about 2 1/2 bucks than sat down at two $1 sng's. I busted one to some random variance and I took down the other. I'm currently taking a little break to write these thoughts, but I have grinded up to about $7. I know it's small money, but I can't begin to tell you how good it feels.
I am going to make the same requests on the other sites I play. I still like to gamble, but I'll save it for the brick and mortars. Cheers to making good decisions. ...Even if they did come the hard way.
